Give the laurels a rest

I understand that they have good intentions. And I don't think they realize what it sounds like to the person on the other end of the comment. But when I hear "Congratulations!" after I've received a new calling in church, I cringe.

Yesterday I was sustained as the new 1st counselor in the Stake YW Presidency. I heard several offers of congratulations from various members of the ward (and then the stake, when I went to the youth fireside that night). Coming from a select few, it didn't seem to bother me. But out of the mouths of most, it made my insides entangle themselves.

Obviously, there are many worse responses people could have had. "I'm starting to doubt the inspiration of the stake president!" is one example, and of course I'm glad that no one ever said that (to me, anyway). But applauding me is certainly not the best response either.

It's AWKWARD.

Why am I being congratulated? What did I do to earn it?? How do they know I even want the calling??? And how am I supposed to respond????

"Thanks so much! I've been trying to get the stake president to notice me for months, and I guess all my sacrifices really paid off!"

"Hey, thanks! I've worked hard to get here, and now I can run things the way I want to."

"I'd like to thank my mom, my dad, and all my fans...*sniff*...I couldn't have done it without you."

It's not like when I graduated from college, when I had worked hard towards my goal and it was finally realized. Or when I got a promotion at work, or got lucky enough to find the right man to be my husband, or a slew of other positive life experiences that merit applause. I mean sure, I'm worthy to receive a calling, so maybe what they're really saying is "Great job on not being a sinner!"...but being congratulated on my righteousness makes me a little uncomfortable.

But maybe it's just me.

Oh hey, Girl Baby Sweetheart...

Sometimes, when I drive Scott to school (or myself to work) in the morning, and I switch on the radio, "War of the Roses" is on. It's a bit on The Kane Show that investigates whether or not a man is cheating, on behalf of the suspicious girlfriend or wife. One of them (Kane, Sarah, or Samy) calls up the man, pretending to be from a local flower delivery company, and offers a free bouquet (under the guise of a "sample", to convince the person to use the local startup over the big companies in the future). The flowers can be delivered to anyone "special" in the person's life, with a personalized message. The suspicious wife or girlfriend is on the other line listening, and the man usually gives himself away by having the flowers sent to the mistress with a message along the lines of "Thanks for all the good times, Pookie." Sometimes, the radio station will call the mistress and she will inevitably ask for the flowers to be sent to the man. Both are bad news, as the suspicious female now has pretty good proof that there has been something unsavory going on and can act upon it.

I never turn the radio on at home to listen to it, but I admit that I am pleased when it happens to be on when I'm driving in the morning. There is something very satisfactory about a cheater getting caught and the innocent partner realizing she deserves better than him.

This morning's War of the Roses was one of the best that I've heard.

Abigail had many reasons to think that her boyfriend, Dylan, was cheating. For instance, he had 5 cell phones, one of which had a "sex bucket list" on it, and he never called her by her first name, using pet names instead. So Kane called him and offered him the flowers. Dylan had apparently listened to the show before, and caught on immediately. He called Kane on his trick, and said "I'm not telling you anything. I didn't do anything." After a big back-and-forth about WHAT he may or may not have done, Kane finally asked WHO Dylan thought had put them up to this.

"It's my girl probably, man."

"Yeah, it probably is. What's your girl's name?"

"Look man, it's my baby, man. It's my sweetheart. You know, we've fought a little bit recently..."

"Okay, but what's your sweetheart's NAME?"

He refused to say. He obviously has multiple women and didn't know which one was on the other line. Dylan adamantly claimed innocence and said he wasn't going to tell Kane anything, but the truth was clear. He finally said, "I'm hanging up the phone now. Sweetheart, baby just call me back and we can talk about this privately."

Kane told Abigail that she could be pretty positive now that Dylan had been cheating on her, and asked if she wanted to call him back. Instead, Sarah (the girl on the Kane Show) called, to see how he would respond.

"Uh, hello?"

"Hey, Dylan."

"Maggie?"

Wrong answer.