Finally

Refer to number 5 of my last post. Done, and done.

Anticipation

They say that patience is a virtue...but I'm not feeling very virtuous right now. Or patient, for that matter.

There are so many things in life that I want. Most of them I have, but there are a few that I don't. And concerning those things which I lack...like Veruca Salt, I want them now. Not in a few weeks or a year or 10 years.

1. I want a car. I would use a car not only to drive me between point A and point B, but also as a way to relax, listen to music, and have some "me" time. Instead of taking long walks by myself in the middle of the night, I would opt for a quick post-midnight jaunt down the freeway to clear my head.

2. I want to know if I've been accepted into my major. Of course, this requires me turning in the application...hmm, I suppose I should get on that.

3. I want a new laptop. My current one is only 2 years old, but the blasted thing keeps breaking. It will randomly decide to not turn on, and is convinced (despite all evidence to the contrary) that my D:\ doesn't exist. Stupid computer. Don't tell my laptop I said that.

4. I want my parcel to come. I've been anxiously waiting and waiting for a box to arrive in the mail, lovingly packed with some books, movies, and games that I got for Christmas. Every day that the parcel doesn't come just makes me want to watch Muppet Treasure Island and The Emperor's New Groove that much more...

5. I want ice cream, and the anticipation is killing me. What idiot said that awaiting something was sweeter than receiving it? They should be flogged. The end.

*Deep Sigh* Just Breathe...

Libera esse

A feeling of liberation can come from doing the most random things. Today I dropped my Geography 120 class, which I think may be one of the best decisions of my life. I can now officially say that I love every single one of my classes...while before, my response to queries about school was, "I love my classes! Well...except for this one, which I hate. The lectures are boring, the professor is unorganized, and the homework is useless. That's all there is to it." Or something similar to that. I realized this morning, however, that I had enough credit hours to drop the class and still have plenty of work to do...so I did. Why keep a class that I dread going to? Besides, I'll be in school long enough to be able to take it another term from a different professor. :) Ah, the sweet sound of freedom...dulce et decorum est libera esse.

Ps. Okay okay so the real reason I dropped the class was so I wouldn't have to meet with "Dr. Richardson" in his office... ;)

Politically Correct

I must say, the extent that people will go to be politically correct these days astounds me. Why must we be so careful so as to not offend anyone? It is more likely we will be offensive (or just plain obnoxious) by tiptoeing around a statement too carefully. Consider the following politically correct statement (from my Geography 120 syllabus) that could easily be misinterpreted at least 3 different ways:

"Freshmen/women: I would like to meet with you during January for a moment or two to get to know you. Please come by my office at your convenience." -Dr. Ken Richardson*

Do you see the problem here? I admit, I was initially worried, but soon realized what was actually meant and laughed aloud at the misunderstanding. At least it provided some good entertainment at the end of a long day...

*Names have been changed to protect the idiotic

(Best) Friends

"(Best) friends are those who walk in when the whole world has walked out. (Best) friends double your joys and divide your sorrows."

Admittedly, my criterion for someone upon whom I will bestow the title 'friend' isn't as strict as Audrey's. But there is a distinction between those I call 'friend' (pretty much anyone that I come across, and the equivalent of Audrey's 'positive acquaintance') and those that I consider my best friends. A 'friend' I will talk with, laugh with, and smile at when we pass on campus. A best friend I will stop to talk to even when I'm late to class, and walk out of my way to visit while they're at work. A friend I will call to invite out somewhere, or to ask a question of. A best friend I will call for no reason at all, simply because I miss the sound of their voice. A friend I would trust with my life. A best friend I trust, implicitly, with things much more important to me than my life. I truly do love my best friends.

Last night at work, my best friends unwittingly kept me sane. Things were crazy; there were so many customers and not enough food or people to serve it. Most of the people who were working last night were new, and just barely trained - they were doing very well, but they still couldn't work fast enough. It was expected; it's simply a matter of time before they have to stop thinking so long and hard about how to make everything and just do it. I just have to be patient. I was trying not to rip my hair out, and fixing to sternly chide a new girl who thought her way was better, when a sudden thought struck me and I burst out laughing instead. Out of nowhere, the mental image of Bryan unwittingly picking up a prostitute entered my mind. Yes, unwittingly and yes, Bryan. The girl I was about to lash out at was saved. After that, all I had to do was think of my best friends and I would immediately cheer up. I thought of Cassidy and singing along to Wicked. I thought of Julie and her Hobbes-like pouncing. I smiled at the thought of Ted's trademark "there there" pat, and of Jocilyn's contrasting pat of reassurance. I thought of Hannah and spontaneously jumping in the river. I recalled Caitlin's contagious laughter and Emilie's gorgeous singing. I remembered being so content that I fell asleep to Audrey's reading her (quite brilliant) novel aloud. I thought of past-midnight movies on the balcony, trips to the Malt Shoppe, pranks at Stonehenge, lunch at the Creamery, Epic Duels, pie nights that invariably included steak, Nuke'em, Sunday afternoon picnics, driving the long way to Old Wardour Castle, ice cream at The Pizza Factory, and apartment dance parties.

I probably don't tell my best friends often enough that I love them or let them know how much I appreciate them. I love them all dearly, and each one has had a significant impact on my life; a debt which can never be repaid. No matter what happens in the remainder of my life, they will each be very dear to me. I only hope they realize this. :)

A Breath of Air

In the Midst of Affliction

Too often I sadly wonder why
Adversity lies in my path.
What did I do to anger God, who
Seems to pour upon me his wrath?

I thought that He would surely see
My pain, suffer it to be mild.
But though I cry and ask Him, “Why?”
He just whispers, “Oh, my child.”

“Be not afraid; the path that is laid
Before thee is never too hard.
Through this you’ll grow and then you’ll know
That you are constantly under my guard.”

Of course I knew that Christ has suffered through
All the hardships I ever could face.
And I am saved from an eternal grave
Only by His mercy and grace.

You see, a price was paid; a sacrifice made,
For us by Christ our brother.
For only He, the Savior, could be
The lamb at the altar – none other.

He journeyed well to the depths of Hell
And then he rose above us
Ascended then to our Father in Heav’n
Why? Because he loves us.

So all the trials and the long miles
Of hardship are for our good.
And although now, we cannot see how,
We trust Him as we know that we should.

He says, “Little One, this is my Son”
And He brings me into His fold.
In response to my cries, He simply replies,
“Peace be unto thy soul.”



Truly, God is Good.

My profound thought for the day. I don't have many of those, but every now and again... :)

God really is amazing, you know? He knows and loves each of us personally - better than even we do - and is always there when we need Him the most. He never said life would be easy. He demands faith and sacrifice from us - often letting us walk until we are so exhasuted we cannot walk anymore and collapse gasping and wheezing onto the ground, turning to Him in humble supplication. Only then does He pick us up and carry us for a while, giving us a breath of air before returning us to our rightful place walking next to Him. I'm amazed again and again by the Lord's love for and patience with me - even when I'm at my lowest and most faithless, in the midst of doubt and despair, He is there to comfort me and be my strength.

Today was Monday, the first day of the new semester, and I've ended it feeling better than when I started off. I wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing what the first day of school held; I would rather have crawled into a corner and hid, but as I knew that doing so wouldn't be a good way to start off the semester, I walked to school with a smile on my face and a laugh in my voice. Quite honestly, despite what I might say when asked, my Christmas vacation was anything but good. It wasn't restful or relaxing; rather, it was emotionally charged and strenuous almost beyond sufferance. But I survived. I always do. I was, however, wondering how I was going to make it through the next semester. I wrote previously of a state of zen, of numb calmness that helps me keep going through it all. I, unfortunately, wasn't quite there again - I was still just barely on this side of it, the side where I still felt emotion - and anything might throw me into a panic. I spent the whole of my church meetings on Sunday feeling like I was going to vomit, and it was all I could do the rest of the day to calmly say hello to friends as they came home from the holidays. I just wanted to run away - to my room or down the street or wherever I needed to go to be far away from people. But I didn't. I greeted my friends, smiled and hugged them, queried about their vacations, and answered general questions about my own. By the end of the day I was physically sick from the sheer effort - and although I finally lay down on the couch and turned off the light at around 4:30, I didn't once fall asleep.

The Lord knows what He's doing. He knows me better than I know myself, and realizes when I've reached my limit. He pays attention to my needs. He wants me to be happy. I could feel His presence and His strength with me all day - today was a day I was carried. Although I realize that the semester is going to be insanely busy, I'm excited about every single one of my courses. I was able to add the classes to my schedule that I wanted to, the subjects are all fascinating, and my professors are wonderful. I spent the day thrilled to be back in school and back at work, and feeling generally great about the months to come. I needed a day like this. The rest of the week might be stressful, might be crazy, and might be overwhelming, but I can face it now. I've had my breath of air.